Hellish holes

There's a hole in my heart, figuratively speaking that is. I feel - empty. I don't know why. These past few days have been rather unfulfilling. I don't know whether it's due to the mundane activities that I've been doing since the start of the holidays or because of something else. I just feel unmotivated. I'm sure all of you are no stranger to this little odd feeling. I'm no stranger to it myself. My first encounter with it was during high school if, I'm not mistaken. I don't think I even understand how emptiness is suppose to feel like when I was in primary school.

Anyway, I was in Form 5(Betanians I miss you... that includes 4 Betanians). One fine day, out of the blue, I felt empty. I have no idea why. I don't think it was boredom because boredom and emptiness are two very different things. Without thinking, I asked my friend who was sitting beside me 'Kau pernah rasa kosong tak?'. The friend, who also happens to be the monitor replied 'Mesti lah pernah,' and that was it. Clearly the story book that she was reading was much, much more interesting than my question. Why woudn't it be when it had the title '6 Reasons to Stay a Virgin'. Pretty catchy isn't it? But the story was not great anyway. I only liked the cover of the book.

I just brushed the whole thing of after that very insightful thought from Miss Monitor ;) . I suppose I did give some thought to it but not much. SPM was more important, no? So it ended there. I entered college the following year and I must say I was happy. I was happy with how things are going - my classes, friends, just about everything of my life although there are a few glitches here and there. I thought I was fine until recently jeng, jeng, jeng... 'it' came back. That weird little feeling. What? Why? How? I asked but I couldn't find the answer. I suppose I haven't prayed hard enough. That reminds me of a character named Rosa from the 1995 movie Sabrina (not Sabrina the teenage witch). Rosa was one of the maids to the wealthy Larrabees. There was this scene where all the maids where congregating in the kitchen. The chauffeur's daughter, Sabrina, had sent a letter from Paris and so the chauffeur was reading it to them. Everyone was certain that Sabrina was unhappy, living all alone in Paris. At one point, Rosa was relating her story of how she felt when she first arrived in America:

'Mr. Tom, maybe is not for me to put my hands in on this, but when I first come to this country, I am alone, like Sabrina. I just weigh more. So I ask to God why I am here. I say, "Why God?" but there is no answer. So I stop crying. It takes eleven years!'

Haha. This movie really has some of the most funny and witty lines. I don't know how many times I've watched it. And so, yes, I still haven't found the answer. I sure hope it won't take 11 years but if it does, than there's nothing I can do. In the mean time, I shall continue 'filling' this particular 'hole' by watching movies. (Unless interesting suggestions pop up. Anyone?) I've recently watched Sylvia, a depressing but insightful movie nevertheless, starring Gwyneth Paltrow and the lovely Daniel Craig although he looks awful in this one. It's the hair I tell you. And I also had the opportunity of watching Drag me to Hell which was more hillarious than hellish. Seriously, don't watch it. It was so crappy that it made me laugh and I was the only one laughing in the cinema. I was waiting to get scared for God's sake! I should've trusted the reviewers and watched Transformers again with my family. Or maybe The Third House on the Left. Read that it was good in The Star.